David Isaac

This saying may not seem like much of a counter-strategy but when hearing American and Israeli leaders offer their expert Mideast analysis, it may be Israel’s best hope. This writer finds repeating it like a mantra helps keep him from acute bouts of a new illness he calls political vertigo. This is when people in power say things that are so stupid it makes your head spin.

A recent head-spinner was Condoleezza Rice’s speech to the United Jewish Communities (UJC) National Assembly in the run-up to the Annapolis summit. In order to win Arab support for a move on Iran– something they won’t get anyway—the administration has decided to push on the Arab-Israel front, which really means pushing Israel to retreat on all fronts.

So the White House spins its version of events, where peace is breaking out all over like acne on a 15-year-old and the mood is set for further Israeli concessions. Judging from Rice’s speech, this spin may take more energy than actually getting the parties to the table as Prime Minister Olmert falls over himself with “great joy” at the prospect of another Mideast summit, expressing enthusiasm about Syria’s participation and at least one of his ministers urges him to invite Hamas as well.

Yet the administration still feels it must do its part and build up a head of steam behind the lemmings running off the cliff so Condi troops out to tell it like it isn’t. There must be a specially-built machine installed in Foggy Bottom with settings like “Fantasy” and “Extra Fantasy” where truth is shoved in at one end, spun, stretched and flattened, then spit out as Condoleezza’s speech on the other.

“The fact is conditions between Israelis and Palestinians are now fundamentally different and, frankly, better than they were a few years ago,” Rice said. The UJC audience applauded, greatly relieved.

All that stuff about Sderot getting bombed and those katyushas flying in from Lebanon and Hamas taking over after the Gaza withdrawal and that suicide bombing outside a felafel stand in Tel Aviv last year even though those were supposed to be over now and that worrying news still seeping in about Lebanon and how Hezbollah was able to hack into Israeli radio communications and knew about the IDF’s movements and had special armor-piercing missiles to destroy Israel’s Merkava tanks and how Israel admits that she completely underestimated Hezbollah’s capabilities because she was preparing for peace and the whole time they were preparing for war and, oh, dear, oh, dear, but no, Condi says things are better now. More applause.

“The violent extremism of Hamas stands in contrast to the leadership of Mahmoud Abbas, the legitimately elected president of all Palestinians who won a clear mandate to seek peace with Israel,” Condoleezza continues.

Abbas? Isn’t that the guy who wrote a master’s thesis at Moscow Oriental College denying the Holocaust, kind of like the fellow from Iran, whatshisname, Ahmadinejad, and didn’t he finance the Munich massacre of Olympic athletes and reject the idea that there ever was a Jewish Temple at the site where the Dome of the Rock now sits?

Never mind. That’s in the past. What matters is what he does now. But wait, what was that speech he made in January about “raising our rifles” against Israel and praising Hamas spiritual leader Ahmed Yassin and something about the Jews, oh, yes, "The sons of Israel are mentioned as those who are corrupting humanity on earth." And doesn’t his Fatah party have its own terrorist wing, the al-Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigades which took credit for lots of suicide bombings in Israel including one just last year in an Eilat bakery?

But what’s that? What’s Condoleezza saying? “President Abbas is demonstrating that he is a partner for peace,” she says. Well, Condi knows what she’s about. If he’s a partner for peace, I must have it wrong. The same way I thought Arafat was the “father of modern terror.” Where did I hear that before? I think it was that monthly magazine Outpost that comes to the UJC office. I really must remember to call and tell them to take us off the mailing list. All it does is cause me tzures.

“And among most Arab states, as they recently made clear in reaffirming the Arab League Peace Initiative, the question now is not whether Israel will exist, but on what terms to make peace with Israel,” Condoleezza says.

Now that is truly wonderful news. The Council of the Arab League is ready to recognize Israel. It’s just a matter of the terms. I’ll just pull out my blackberry and check out those terms. Let’s see. Complete withdrawal from Arab territories occupied since 1967, including the Golan Heights and a Palestinian state with Jerusalem as its capital, oh, and a solution to the Palestinian refugee problem according to UN Resolution 194. Seems reasonable.

Wait a sec, according to Resolution 194, Palestinian refugees are to be permitted to return to their homes inside Israel and if the United Nations Relief and Works Agency numbers the refugees at 4 million, why, that would overrun Israel. That means the Arab League’s terms for peace with Israel is no Israel!

What’s Condi saying now? “I believe that most Palestinians and most Arab states are ready to end the conflict.” 

Oh, thank goodness. For a second I was worried.
 
David Isaac is a free-lance writer living in Los Angeles.